Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Angel Imageries

The sudden gush of howling wind jeers at the screams that yearn to be released but are unable to do so. The words that are allowed to be out refuse to. I stare at you, wishing you would grab my hand and run with me to the sea, from which the howling winds arrive. There, I would scream back at the mother of winds in retort, daring her to send her worst cries at me. Drowning in all that coldness and sharp shrills, I will let go of myself. Amidst all that chaos, you still hold my hand, and I will feel that contrasting warmth creep up, into my heart, into my head. Then, I will bring myself back to this world, to you.

But you just stare blankly back. And I don't know how to tell you not to.

So I leapt from the ledge, stretching my white-feathered wings, carrying me on the wind instead of screaming back at it. I soar without looking back, knowing you did not follow nor even stare. I continue soaring, till the first pelts of rain hit my back. I never knew rain could hit so hard. It might as well have been bullets penetrating my skin, but these were nothing compared to the pain in my heart.

So I stood on top of a tree, the highest tree there was in that big wide field, on the top of everything else, staring straight up, and feeling that rain on my face. Wings oustretched, rain trickled down it, and wet it. It grew heavier by the minute, and I let it fall to my side, slowly and gradually. All this while the wind whipped around me, still challenging. It grew stronger, or perhaps, I grew weaker. Rain lashed, the result of that challenge. My wings closed. Then I lost. That monstrous gale gave a triumphant roar and tipped me over. I plunged, down the length of that tree, which was long indeed. Fear gripped my heart hard, and for a moment numbed me of my initial pain.

Sighing that it was about to end, I opened my wings, and slowed, till I landed on the soft earth that was mud with a thud. I would go home with brown wings today. The only bad thing about a thunderstorm is that the stars hide away, refusing to come out and play. Well, you can't have the pie and the cake at once. Running out of thoughts, my attention turned to you, once more. Sigh. I wish I could just lie there and not go home. Yes, be it in the mud. The rain is comforting. The wind cries, unhappy that it has not achieved its end. I laugh.

I think to myself, I ought to cry, with you treating me like that. But no, there are no tears at all. Why? Because the tears of the heavens are greater than mine. The clouds cry for me, unto me, washing me of my sorrow. I am brown on the outside, but my heart is clean, clean of the red of blood. It is now white.

I return home. And there you are. Staring blankly. I stare back, blankly, or so I think. How much of the remnants of my emotions leak out from those black holes of mine I cannot see, and only you can tell, if you bother to catch those shooting stars from my eyes. Now, no more screams, no more words, just a blank mind. That gradually turns my heart to stone. It is now grey.

Stoned. I wash up, and lie on my back, folding my wings in. They keep me warm.
Stoned. I forget I need you to keep my hands warm.
Stoned. Stoned.
The only thing I hear and feel is my heart beating against my chest.
I thought it had turned to stone?
Drowsily, I turned, and there you are, sleeping beside.
Turning back, I close my eyes, and listen.
I hear my heart. I hear your breath.
I just wish I could hear your heart's breath.
That being my last thought,
I slept.

5.moon.sky was here at 11:01 pm